More Randy Roberts' Anecdotes

                                 Paraphrased by Nic Samojluk

On August 5/2006, Karl Haffner, Pastor of Walla Walla College SDA Church, occupied Pastor Randy Roberts pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his sermon:

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Pastor Haffner stated that he received a few weeks ago a telephone call from Pastor Randy Roberts inviting him to preach at his church on August 5. Haffner responded that it was an honor for him to ve invited for said occasion, since August is the Campmeeting month for the Loma Linda church. Roberts then clarified that the church board had decided to delay the start of the campmeeting month by one week. "I guess," said Haffner with tongue in cheek, "Roberts wanted me to set the bar very low with my preaching so that by campmeeting time the church members would be really hungry for good preaching."

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At one of the General Conference Seventh-day Adventist meetings Haffner spotted a rather confused hotdog salesman who was offering 100-percent pork hotdogs . He was surrounded by thousands of people, but nobody would approach his stand to buy a hotdog, while a nearby ice cream vendor was doing the business of his life.

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A childless psychology professor used to repeat ad nauseam that children needed to be loved. One day a boy left his imprints on the fresh driveway cement at the home of the professor. The man chased the boy with clear to undestand expletives. A neighbor who had witnessed the angered reaction of the scholar remarked: "I thought you had said children needed to be loved," to which the professor clarified: "Yes, they need to be loved in abstract, but not in concrete."

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On a certain occasion Jane Fonda was interviewed, and one of the questions was: "Did your dad ever told you that he loved you?" The woman tried to respond but was overwhelmed with emotion. When she regained her composure, she atributed her anorexia, bulimia, and other manifestations of emotional instability to the lack of parental loving conexion with her father.

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"Once I received a greeting card with a $5 dollar bill inside," Haffner said, "from a church member who heard me preach about love. The feeling was great. Now, don't you all do the same after this sermon, unless you feel really spiritual."

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It has been reported that on a certain occasion Mother Teresa came in with a dying baby. She handed the baby to one of her assistants with the following instruction: "Make sure this baby is loved before she dies." Some time later this person described her experience as follows: "I held the baby until she breathed her last, and I could feel the baby's positive reaction to being touched and held in my arms."

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Jesus broke the Jewish law when he touched the leper before he healed him. Lepers were considered unclean, and touching one of them would ceremonially contaminate the individual who dared to do so. Jesus could have spoken the word and the unclean leper would have been restored to perfect health, but Jesus decided to touch the man. This man, untouched by humans was touched by divinity.

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Once upon a time a boy packed a few twinkies and some soda cans into his lunch bag and left in search of God. He stopped at a park and met an old lady. He opened his bag, pulled a twinky, and noticed that the old lady was looking longingly at him as he munched on his twinky. He pulled another twinky and offered it to the woman. She took it and displayed a big smile, and the boy smiled back. Then he pulled a can of soda, and the woman observed as he enjoyed his drink. He pulled another can of soda and offred it to the old lady. She took the can and gave him another big smile, and he smiled back. At the end of the day both the boy and the old lady felt they had met God that day.

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Academy graduation was fast approaching, and one of the girls shared with Pastor Haffner her dream: "I hope my dad comes to my graduation." The day arrived, and this girl took part in the graduation ceremony. She sang like she had never sung before. The audience was impressed, and Pastor Haffner felt he needed to contratulate her for her graduation, but more so for her impressive musical performance that day. He did so and gave her a hug. The girl hugged him back--the longest hug he had ever received from anybody. When she managed to compose herself and dry her tears, she exclaimed. "I wish my dad had been here today. He has never heard me sing, and I wanted him to be here so bad.!"

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"Some time ago, on the first night of campmeeting," said Pastor haffner, " I hardly managed to deliver my sermon. I had caught the flu, and I wondered how I would manage to preach the following day. The pastor in charge of the program informed me that I was expected to preach five times the next day, and that he would pick me up at 8:00 o'clock sharp. He did so--to my dismay! Punctuality was an integral part of his religion. On our way to church, he suddenly stopped to help a woman whose car had stalled in the middle of the read. That meant we would be late for the meetings. After we helped the poor woman, she commented: 'You must be Seventh-day Adventists; only a Seventh-day Adventists would do something like this.' We aksed her whether she was also an SDA. She said, 'No, but I have met some SDA's before.' This is how SDA's should be distinguished everywhere!"

On July 15, 2006 Pastor Calvin Thomsen occupied Randy Roberts pulpit at the Loma Linda University Church of Seventh-day Adventists. The following are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic.

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Someone once said: "If you do not succeed the first time, try again. Unless you are a parachute jumper trainee, of course!"

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A man was digging for gold in his backyard. The neighbors thought he was going to build a swimming pool. When the hole in the ground was 60 feet deep, they called the authorities, who ordered the owner to stop and to restore his backyard to its original condition. One of his friends asked him how he would manage to get his gold now. "That's between me and my gold," he answered.

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"Sometime ago," said Pastor Thomsen, "we had a Dasher car that turned to be a lemon. When we got tired of repairing it, we put up a for sale sign and sold it to the highest bidder. The buyer brought the car back demanding a refund.

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Perhaps some day the good Lord will perform a miracle and will give bakers a recipe for a chocolate cake that will help you loose weight. In the meantime, we have no alternative but to use other methods to achieve the same objective.

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There is a limit to what you can do to keep your children from making mistakes they will regret later on. Like it or not, the time comes when they must make their own decisions and face the consequences for their actions.

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Jesus could have tied up Judas to his chair at the Upper Room to prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life. He did not, even though he knew that he would betray him to his worst enemies.

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Once upon a time, a Christian woman asked Elder Thomsen to convert her unbelieving husband. He paid the man a visit, and when the man's wife went to the kitchen to get some orange juice drinks, the man whispered to the pastor: "I do believe! But please, don't tell this to my wife."

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A group of students were taking turns at the wheel on their trip back home during shool holidays. While the rest were asleep, the one who was at the driver's seat noticed that the road signs were rather unfamiliar. He ignored this and kept driving until he noticed that the sun was rising on the West instead of the East. He then realized it was time to make a U-turn and head West.

Pastor Randy Roberts sermon on July 1/2006 dealt with Jesus' temptations following his baptism. Here are some of the anecdotes he included in his preaching at the Loma Linda University Church:

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Imagine Jesus stanting at the top of the Jewish Temple. The tempter suggested that he jump from that height in order to demonstrate that he was truly the Son of God. Would such an invitation represent to you an enticement to leap from such a height to demonstrate your faith in God? Probably not, but for Jesus, this represented a strong temptation because he was indeed the Son of God, and he had the power to do this type of exhibition.

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A Rabbi wrote once that there was a Jewish tradition at the time of Jesus suggesting that when the Messiah came, he would stand on the top of the Jewish Temple and take a leap in order to publicly demonstrate that he really was the one sent by God to save the Jews from the Roman domination.

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When Jesus was on the cross, one of the Pharisees said to him: "If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross, and we will believe that you are the Messiah." Demonstrating that he was truly the Son of God was a real temptation for Jesus not only after his baptism, but rather throughout his life.

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"I have a brother," the Pastor said, "whose name is John. His hobby was to ride a bull in a rodeo. One day he said to me, 'You have to try this!' Let me tell you: riding a bull was no temptation for me, but it was a real thrill for him to engage in such a dangerous sport."

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Dona Hadley, who is a member of the Loma Linda University Church, was with her husband at a car-race show, and while the minister was praying for the safety of the car-race drivers, Dona whispered to her husband: "Why doesn't he stop praying, and tell the drivers to slow down?"

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Some young people who are in love, but are not sure of their choice of life partner pray as follows: "Lord, if the next three stop lights are green, let it mean that I should marry him!"

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Mr. Postman wrote about America in the following manner: "There are four cities in the U.S. that symbolize certain aspects of American life. Boston stands for freedom; Freedom from taxation without representation. Chicago stands for hard work and industry. New York represents immigration and opportunity. Finally, Las Vegas represents entertainment. The city that most adequately represents America today is not Boston, Chicago, or New York, but rather Las Vegas.

On June 10, 2006, it was graduation day at the Loma Linda University Church, and Allan R. Handysides, the Director of the Health Ministries Department of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists was the speaker. He used several anecdotes to illustrate his sermon. Here are some of them:

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"I was nervous," he said, "as I was getting ready to speak at the General Conference some years ago. A supporting friend said to me: 'Don't worry! God has spoken through a donkey before.'"

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A man who had a donkey together with his thoroughbred horses was asked why, to which he responded: "I don't expect the donkey to win, but it makes the donkey feel good to be in the company of these horses."

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When plans for a medical school in Loma Linda were being considered, Dr. Harvey Kellogg said: "This project is equivalent to building a railroad to the moon." Well, the seemingly impossible dream was implemented, and we now have had this school for a century training medical personnel and medical missionaries for the glory of God and the welfare of humanity.

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Some people are like a flint. You have to strike them and you get only a spark. Others are like a sponge. If you squeeze them, they might contribute with what they have. Still others are like the honeycomb. They can't avoid dripping their honey.

The following anecdotes were used by Pastor Randy Roberts in his May 20/2006 sermon at the Loma Linda University SDA Church:

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The wife of a company executive and her husband were at the gas station and they noticed that her former fiancee was pumping gas for them. When they left, the proud CEO said to his wife: "Aren't you glad you married me instead of this gas station attendant?" to which his wife responded: "If I had married him, by now he would be a CEO and you would be pumping gas." Evidently, she felt the her husband's accomplishments were parcially due to her support of what her husband was doing. This means that next time you feel like bragging about what you were able to achieve in life, remember that you owe some of this to the support of other people.

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Once upon a time there was a man who enjoyed bragging about the gas mileage he was getting with his car. Some of his friends decided to play a trick on him. They would pour some gas into his car's gas tank without his knowledge, and his car began to yield an increasing number of miles per gallon. Nevertheless, when the car reached 90 miles per gallon, he began to wonder whether someone was having a good time at his expense.

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When a woman reached her 102nd birthday, some of her friends asked her what was her greatest satisfaction about being over a hundred years old, to which she responded: "I am now free from peer pressure."

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It takes courage to be different, and sometimes there might be serious consequences to your decision to live by your high moral standards. Experts claim that if you tie a red ribbon to the leg of a sea gull, you doom the bird to execution by other sea gulls.

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When England was asked what prompted her to participate in the Abu Ghraib Prison mocking of Iraqi prisoners, she responded: "It was the peer pressure I felt at the time. Everybody wanted me to play that part, and it was difficult to resist."

I want to share with you a few of the anecdotes used by Pastor Randy Roberts on May 13, 2006 to illustrate his sermon dealing with freedom.

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Once upon a time a man had two racing dogs and he would bet on one of them. One of his friends noticed that whichever dog he bet on would always win, so he decided to ask him about his secret. "It's very simple," he responded, "I pick the dog I am going to bet on and feed him, while I starve the other one."

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A preacher was asked on a certain occasion: "Would you go to church if you were caught driving while under the influence of alcohol?" "Never," the preacher responded, "I am a preacher. I couln't do that." "Well," said his friend, "This would be equivalent to somebody refusing to be taken to the hospital after a serious car accident."

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A well known preacher once stated: "No one whould ever have to carry his heavy burden alone!" "When I was a little boy," said Elder Randy Roberts, "I had a puppy dog, and one day he was killed. This was a heavy burden for a boy to carry alone. Fortunately, my mother understood, and she would sit at my bedside and confort me. This made my burder a little bit lighter."

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There was a mother who lost her child, and the time came when nobody would even mention her boy's hame anymore. One, day, though, she received a card from a friend who said she still missed the absence of her boy. She felt encouraged to know that there was someone who felt the way she felt every day since the tragic accident.

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A young woman was dating and somehow got pregnant. She felt angry with God and prayed: "How could you do this to me, Lord!" The Bible says: "A man reaps what he sows." This young woman might have not known that when the Bible says "man" it means "woman" as well!

On April 29, 2006, Elder Randy Roberts's sermon topic was Standing for Freedom, and here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

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On one occasion, Confucius was visiting a remote village with his disciples, and he met a distraught woman who was lamenting the tragic death of her son. The wise man asker her about the circumtances of her son's death, to which the woman responded:

-He was killed by a tiger, just like his dad, and his grandfather, she explained.

-If that is the case, then why are you staying in this dangerous place, he asked.

-Because the government is more dangerous than a tiger, she replied.

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A legally blind man finally managed to get corrective lenses. He expressed his excitement at being able to see with the following comment: I am legally blind, but when I submitted to the law of optometry, I became free from the law of blindness.

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Charles Swindoll relates the experience of a Christian missionary who could not part with his love of peanut butter when he arrived at his mission field appointment. Once there, he discovered to his dismay that there was no peanut butter available for purchase at the local food markets. He solved this serious problem by arranging to have this delicacy shipped to him from the U.S. on a regular basis. Nevertheless, he was shocked to find out that the local religious people were convinced that eating peanut butter was a terrible and unpardonable sin, since God had not made arrangements to have peanut plants growing locally. This missionary encountered so much opposition to his preference for this forbidden food item, that he had to return to the states before completing his mission appointment. Of course, his enthusiasm for missions evaporated quickly and he found employment in another line of work.

The moral of this story is: A little bit of legalism may kill your freedom.

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A wise, frugal, and hard-working employee managed to stash away a large amount of savings which he invested in a prudent manner. Then he approached his employer and let him know in no uncertain terms that from now on he felt financially free and independent; and that he could, if he wished, quit his job and survive without any serious consequence to his financial situation.

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When Anita, Randy Roberts wife, became an American citizen, she had to swear allegiance to the U.S. Constitution. What the presiding judge read said nothing about the government's right to take your picture and impose a heavy fine against you if you ignored the driving law that says that you need to stop at a red light. By swearing allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, there was am implied agreement that included the willingness to abide by the laws of this country.

On March 25, Pastor Randy Roberts used several anecdotes to illustrate his sermon. Here are some of them:

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A Loma Linda University Church member collected some of the ways several local churches attempt to entice people to participate in their religious services:

1. Where would you be sitting in eternity: the smoking or the no smoking section?

2. The best Christian vitamin is B1.

3. Come in and get inspired before you expire!

4. King James only here!

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Experts tell us that the early Christians' baptismal candidates did completely disrobe before entering the baptismal waters, then they would exit and receive new robes symbolizidng in a dramatic way the new spiritual life they had embraced.

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A black man complained this way: When I was born, I was black. When I grew up, I was still black. I am black when I am out in the sun, black when I get embarrassed, black when I get really scared, and I will be still black after I die. White people are pink when they are born, their color turns to off-white when the grow up, white when they get scared, red when get embarrased, and blue when get cold, and they turn yellow when they die. I wonder why society refer to us as colored.

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An American soldier fathered a child in a foreign country during the war. The baby's mother attempted to raise the girl the best she could, but finally gave up in her efforts due to a culture that did not tolerate children from mixed ethnic backgrounds. She finally abandoned her daughter, and the poor girl ended in an orphanage. An American couple visited the orphanage with the desire to adopt one child. They embraced and hugged some of the beautiful children at this institution, and finally approached this particular orphan who looked ugly, disheveled, and infested with fleas. It was love at first sight. The man said: We want this girl

The pastor said: This is what Jesus does when he meets us in our fallen, sinful condition.

I want to share with you some of the anecdotes Pastor Randy Roberts used on March 11, 2006 to illustrate his Sabbath sermon.

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A policeman stopped a woman wearing contact lenses. After checking her driving license, the following exchange took place:
Policeman: Your driving license states you are required to wear eye glasses.
Driver: I have contacts!
Policeman: I don't care who you know!

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Here are the ethical rules of a man who thought he was a moral individual:
I will rob only at night, when it is dark.
I will never kill unless I have to.
I will never steal from Wal-Mart or Seven Eleven.

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Here is a conversation that took place between a patient who had started wearing hearing aids prescribed by his physician:
Physician: I bet you can hear well now!
Patient: I do! I do!
Physician: Have you told your family yet?
Patient: Not yet! I have altered my will three times already. Who knows. I may need to do it one more time!

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A man was tired of watching how cars were speeding right in front of a local school. He decided to do something about this. He took a hair dryer, made it look like a ray gun, stopped near the school, aimed the hair dryer at the speeding cars, and all the drivers slowed down.

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A policeman stopped a driver for speeding, aimed his flashlight at him, then a his pregnant wife, and finally at the four children seated in the back seat and said to the driver:
Man! You can't afford a ticket. Slow down!
He did! A warning did what tickets had previously failed to accomplish.

On March 4, 2006 Elder Randy Roberts continued his series dealing with Paul's letter to the Galatians. Here are some of the illustrations he used in his sermon:

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I was headed towards the Los Angeles Airport on a beautiful springtime morning. I boarded the plane and decided to seat myself in the back, where the seats are small and the passengers rather large. I sat next to a heavy-set gentleman, who did not seem very excited to have somebody sitting next to him. The airbus took off and very soon we were over the Pacific Ocean on our way to Honolulu, Hawai. My seat partner suddenly said: "I need to leave," and I stood up in order to let him out, when he added, "I mean, I am getting off." --"Getting off?" I said. "do you realize that we are in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?" --He didn't seem to care as he responded: "I will swim the rest of the way."

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That is exactly what the Galatians wanted to do. This is why the Apostle Paul wrote to them: Oh, foolish Galatians: Who has bewitched you? Having started by faith, you now want to turn to the works of the flesh? What the Apostle was telling the believers in Galatia is that, having started by faith in what the Lord had done for them, they now wanted to swim the rest of the way by relying on what they could do for themselves.

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Faith means what the Lord can do for us and through us. This is why in Hebrews 11, the chapter of faith, the author says: By faith Abraham obeyed ... by faith he received ... by faith Isaac blessed ... by faith Joseph spoke ... by faith Moses refused ... by faith the wall of Jericho fell ... These men did not trust in what they could do on their own, but rather what God could do for them and through them.

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Many years ago, said the pastor, my dad was flying from Keene Texas to Guadalajara, Mexico, and he decided to take me along for the trip. We were the only people on board. All of a sudden the sky became dark, and my dad was desperately trying to avoid the thick dark clouds as he veered this way and that way in an attempt to avoid danger. I got scared, and I asked: "Dad, are we going to make it?" At that point in my life, I realized that my life was in the hands of my father. It would have been foolish for me to make an attempt at getting off the plane and walk the rest of the way on foot, like the foolish Galatians wanted to do.

"Living in the Spirit of Freedom" was the topic of Elder Randy Robert's sermon on February 25, 2006. Here are some of the stories he employed to illustrate his sermon:

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An Englishman was dying for a chance to play 18 holes at an exclusive country golf club. There was a requirement though. Nobody was allowed to participate, unless he was either a member, or had received an invitation from a member. He spotted a gentleman he had met before and shared with him his dream. The man asked: Any studies?--Yes, he replied, Oxford.--Sports?--Of course, he answered: Tennis!-- Languages? French, German, and Spanish, he replied. Then, looking at the secretary, the Lord said: Nine holes!

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On one occasion box champion Myke Thyson got in trouble with the law, and had to face the judge. This is how he explained his situation: I am not Mother Theresa, but I'm not Charles Manson either.

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I play basketball at the gym with one of our church members, Elder roberts said. He is taller than I am, and shooting at the ten-foot loop is no joke.--"This is the way you do it," my tall game partner said, and he pushed the ball through the loop.--"No kidding! Do you expect me to do it that way?" I asked.--Then the pastor added: I also play basketball at home with my kids, and there I can adjust the loop to my height, and I can dominate the game.

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This is what happened to Pastor Dan Smith, and I have his permission to tell the story, said Elder Randy Roberts. He was ordering the airplane tickets online, and he clicked on the wrong destination and got confirmed before he realized the mistake he had done. In frustration and anxiety, he called the company and explained what had happend. The man on the other side said: "Do not worry, Mr. Smith. It's gone. It never happened." This is what the lord says when he forgives us our sins.

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A Pastor was travelling at 37 miles per hour at a 35 miles per hour limit zone and got stopped for speeding. The pastor was indignant.--A ticket for two miles above the speed limit? He grumbled.--On another occasion he was doing 73 miles at a 55 miles limit zone. A highway patrol policeman stopped him for speeding and said: Watch your speed, man!--And let him go. The pastor drove away with gratitude in his heart and a new resolve to abide by the driving rules of the road.

The topic of Pastor Randy Roberts on February 18, 2004 was "Fighting for What Matters." His main illustration was:

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A member of the Loma Linda University Church was invited to investigate the reason for the recent ethnic fighting and violence inside one of the Los Angeles penitenciary. He interviewed one of the Latino prisoners, and this is what the inmate told him:

When we are incarcerated, everything is taken away from us: our car, our home, our computer, our clothes, and our freedom. The only thing we are left with is our ethnic identity, and it is the only thing we are left that is worth fighting for.

Pastor Randy Roberts' sermon on February 4/2006 dealt with Saint Paul's credentials as an Apostle of Jesus Christ. Here is one of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his message:

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Saint Paul was a true Apostle of Jesus Christ, one who possessed the genuine credentials for the life mission assigned to him on his encounter with the Lord on the Damascus road. He was the opposite of Frank W. Abagnale, Jr., the incredible fake pilot, fake lawyer, and fake doctor--all before his 21st birthday, whose extraordinary true story was depicted in the Catch me if you can movie, played by Oscar nominee Leonardo DiCaprio and two-time Academy Award winner Tom Hanks in one of the year's most acclaimed hits.

The man who couldn't fly a kite, was placed in the position of having to pilot an airplane, and as a fake doctor he managed to impress both physicians and nurses by asking others: What would you do in this situation? and then instructed them to do exactly what they suggested. A smart fake can succeed in deceiving others, but sooner or later he is caught. No so in the case of the Apostle Paul.

On January 28, the Loma Linda University pulpit was occupied by Lowell Cooper, General Vice President of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. I want to share two illustrations he used in his sermon:

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A woman at the airport was waiting for her flight, and decided to read her book while waiting to board her airplane. Ten minutes before boarding time, she sudenly remembered she had forgotten her cell phone in her car. She quickly asked the person seated next to her to please watch her bag, she darted towards the parking lot, grabed her cell phone, closed the car door with a bang, and rushed back to the airport. She was stopped by the long security line check, where you often discover that "empires rise and fall, and airplanes arrive and depart while you wait."

She managed to get through, she grabed her bag, and got in the nick of time as the last passenger was boarding the plane. She took a deep breath of relief as she found her seat, and suddenly remembered she had forgotten to pick the book she was reading before she went to rescue her cell phone. This illustrates the pressure Jesus was under as he approached Jerusalem on his last trip to the city that was planning to take his life.

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As Jesus moved towards Jerusalem, followed by a huge throng of pilgrims who were going for the celebration of the Passover Jewish Feast, he heard the anguished call of Blind Bartimeus. It was a time of great stress for the Master. The destiny of the whole world was weighing down on his shoulders. His mission was about to be climaxed in his crucifixion. He needed to prepare his disciples for the momentous events to follow. He could have ignored the call for help from a simple blind man. Nevertheless, he decided to stop. He took the time from his busy schedule to perform his last public healing before his passion.

He could have used his time to instruct his disciples about many issues they were concerned about. He could have informed them about the timing of their liberation from the hated Romans. For our benefit, he could have told them "how old dirt is" [the age of planet earth and life on it], and he could have solved the mystery of the Trinity. He did not do this, but rather employed the precious little time he had to alleviate the pain of a blind man who wanted to see. He gave us a lesson about the real priorities in life.

I want to share with you two of the many illustrations Pastor Randy Roberts used in his December 24 sermon at the Loma Linda University Church:

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Most parents are rather particular when they select the place they want to live when raising their children. When Joseph and Mary returned from Egypt with the infant Jesus, they chose Nazareth. Was that a wise choice? Nazareth was located in despised Galilee, a place notorious for its depravity. This is evidenced by the question raised by one of Jesus' followers who exclaimed: Can anything good come out of Nazareth? Bethlehem in Judea might have been a better choice, but they were glad to follow providence, trusting that God would continue to protect them and the infant they were privileged to raise; because when circumstances are difficult, the Lord is at work.

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A curious man observed how a huge turtle laid her eggs in the sand. The following day, he noticed that the turtle tracks led not to the sea, but rather in the opposite direction. He followed those tracks, and discovered that the poor creature was stranded in the hot desert. He turned the turtle over, tied a rope to his jeep, and dragged the bewildered animal back to the beach and let it loose, which soon got back to its natural element and happyly swam away. When our life is turned over, it isn't easy to see the hand of providence guiding us back to where we belong.

The title of Pastor Randy Roberts' December 17, 2005 sermon was Dreaming of a New Freedom. Here are some of the anecdotes he used to illustrate his topic:

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Here is the way experts train elephants to limit their freedom of movements. They tie one of their legs to a heavy chain that is anchored on cement. Once the animal learns how far he can move, then the chain is cut, and the elephant will not move farther than the lenght of the chain that had previously limited his freedom. Likewise our habits limit our freedom and keep us trapped to our past.

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We are told that on a certain occasion Socrates, the renowned Greek philosopher, was standing at a local marketplace and said: "I am overwhelmed by the abundance of things I have no need for."

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Following Shefield's conversion to Christianity, he became interested in emigrating to the United States, but he had a criminal record as a result of fight he had been involved in when he was much younger, which disqualified him from getting a visa from the American consul. He applied to the Queen for a pardon. The Queen of England graciously granted the requested pardon, and now he could with clear conscience declare that he had no criminal record. This illustrates what happens when we ask God to forgive our sins and trespasses. The Bible says that he will blot our transgressions, and throw them into the depht of the sea. A certain preacher added that the Lord will post a "No Fishing" sign to prevent others from digging into our past.

The title of Randy Roberts' sermon on December 10 was Dreaming When the Danger Lurks. I want to share with you some of the illustrations he used:

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One of the victims at one of the German concentration camps during the war complained about the large number of fleas that made their prisoner's life miserable. His companion responded by saying: We need to thank God for the fleas. Both of them were Christians, and the one who wanted to thank God for the fleas explained. We read in the Bible where it says that we must thank God for everything. His partner agreed, and that is exactly what they did. As time went on, they discovered that the tough and cruel German guards stopped coming to harass them out of fear of getting infested with the fleas.

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A century ago, there was a man who had in his office prominently displayed an unused, framed first-class ticket with the following comment: He redeemeth thy soul from destruction. When visitors asked him about the strange display, he would offer the following explanation: We were scheduled to take a trip on the maiden voyage of a famous ship. It was the most sophisticated ship ever built. Then all of a sudden my wife was taken ill, ans we missed the boat. The name of the boat was the Titanic.

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Amanda was a well organized high school student. She had agreed to meet her friend at the school library after lunch. She always had lunch on campus, but on that particular day she went to Taco Bell with some friends, and to her chagrin, she spilt some taco sauce on her sweater, which forced her to make a stop at her home to change her clothes. When she got to the school library, she discovered to her horror that her friend lay dead on the floor. The name of the school was Columbine, and you know what happened there.

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A farmer's favorite animal was a mare, and one day the horse was reported missing. His friends said to him. That is really bad news, to which he responded: How do you know it's bad news? Some time later the mare returned with a stallion, and the same friends said: This is really good news This time the farmer responded with: How do you know it is good news? A few days later his son tried to mount the horse and broke his leg, to which the farmer's friends lamented: Now, this is really bad news, and the farmer's comment was: How do you know it is bad news? Then war broke, and the military came looking for his son, but he was on crutches and could not go.

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Four British children were playing hide and seek near a mysterious abandoned house, and they thought that hiding inside the old house was a neat idea. One of them entered inside a closet, and discovered that she landed in the Land of Narnia. Her companions joined her. It seemed like a wonderful new world, but to their horror, one of them was kidnapped by a witch. Someone told them not to worry, because a lion named Aslam was on the move to rescue their companion. Of course, this is C.S. Lewis' best-seller fairy tale, but it illustrates the fact that when the enemy attacks us, God is on the move.

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King Herod the Great was a powerful tyrant who was trusted by the Romans because of his administrative abilities. He was responsible for the rebuilding of the Jewish Temple, and on one occasion, he melted some precious jewels to buy grain for his poor farmers in times of drought. Neverthelles, he also excelled in his cruelty. Out of jealousy, he murdered one of his wives, three of his children, and when he was about 70, he orchestrated the killing of the most prominent members of his nation to make sure that when he died there would be a great lamentation. This plot of his failed.

When the magi arrived in Jerusalem in search of the new-born King, they were led into the presence of this tyrant, who told them: Go to Bethlehem, and after you worship him, come back so that I also may go and worship the new-born King of the Jews. The life of baby Jesus was in danger, but God was on the move, and he warned the magi in a dream to avoid Jerusalem on their way back to their country. When Herod learned that the magi had played a trick on him, he was furious, and ordered the slaughter of the Bethlehem children. And there was a great lamentation in Bethlehem; Rachel weeping for her children, for they were no more.

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The toughest question I am faced as a pastor, said Randy Roberts, is Why? Why was my son killed in that car accident? Why did I get cancer? Why did my husband run with his secretary? For all these poignant questions I have only one answer: I don't know; but I do know that God is on the move.

Here are some of the anecdotes Pastor Randy Roberts used to illustrate his sermon on December 3, 2005:

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John was ready to go home after a long day's work followed by a Christmas party at the office when someone suggested that it was not wise to let Alice, the office secretary, drive home, since she had downed too many drinks that evening. It was agreed that the individual drawing the shnort stick would give her a ride, and John turned to be the 'lucky one'. He accepted the task, dropped Alice at her door, and drove home, but figured there was no need to explain what had taken place to his wife.

The following day, both John and his wife were heading to another Christmas party, when he noticed with alarm that there was a red woman's shoe on the passebger side. They were driving by a neighborhood with several houses decorated for Christmas. He slowed down, pointed to one of the homes, and said: "Look at that, honey!" She turned her head and John subrepticiously grabbed the shoe and tossed it out the window.

When they arrived at their destination, John got out of the car and opened the passenger's side for his wife to get off, but noticed she was looking for something. "Have you lost something?" he inquired.

"I can't find my other shoe," she replied.

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A greatly admired and renowned preacher lost his son to suicide. His heart was broken beyond anything you can imagine. He was scheduled to preach that weekend following his son's funeral. He decided he had to brace himself and face his congregation in spite of his unbearable pain. He finished his sermon with the following reflection:

"My son's suicide was a senseless act, but our Christian ship is unsinkable."

In his sermon dated November 6, 2005, Pastor Randy Roberts included the following anecdotes, among others, to illustrate his topic dealing with personal evangelism:

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When Elder Roberts was younger, he attended a ministerial meeting and was at a loss witnessing how pastors engaged in sharing with the audience the baptism goals they were setting for themselves. Some said their goal was 20, others stated their was 40 or 50, and he was wondering whether he should get up and announce what his evangelistic goal would be for the coming year. He noticed that an experienced pastor was not making a move to announce his goal, but rather remained in his chair. He asked him what his plans were. The pastor replied as follows:

My goal is one.

One! asked Elder Roboerts with surprise.

Yes, one! And I am going to aks 99 members of my congregation to set a similar goal.

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A mother overheard the following conversation between her young little daughter and a friend:

Jane: If you accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour, you will go to heaven when you die!

Mary: How about my mommy?

Jane She can do the same! But if you don't want her to go there, don't tell her anything!

In his 10/29/05 sermon, Pastor Randy Roberts used the following anecdotes to illustrate some of the biblical truths he presented:

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When church was over, Johnny asked his mom: What is the highest number you ever counted to? To which his mother responded that she did not remember, asking in return the reason for such a question.

Because I counted all the way up to 5372, responded the boy. And why did you stop at 5372? inquired his mom. Because the sermon was over, answered Johnny.

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A few years ago, John Walker Lynn, an American young man born in northern California, was taken prisoner in Afghanistan by the American forces fighting against the Taliban regime. He was caught fighting against his own countrymen. Why did he do that?

He had conver